The Dark Room

This is a very special piece for me to express the emotions and situation that one can almost never delete from the brain and please do read it as it will hopefully help someone one day. It took me a lot of courage to put this together .

The Dark Room

The dark room

The clock ticked in my brain ,

I’m sure and definite each second was a minute,

Each minute was an hour ,

And each hour was a day,

And each day turned into days.

The dark room

My vision was blur,

In and out of consciousness,

The memory cannot recall anymore.

The drugs didn’t help, legal and illegal.

Mercy was all I could seek for at that very stage.

The dark room

The woman in me,

In fact the human in me died sometime amongst those moments.

Those very moments stripped my soul of life,

Raped my innocence

No light , no air, no hydration nor nutrition,

My body went into Autopilot mode,

Survival instincts kept me breathing and nurturing my body, to keep wishing for the last breathe not to be the last one.

The dark room

Faith had reached it’s toll,

No other thought crossed my central nervous system other than to beg with my voice, that was merely heard.

Or maybe it was never voiced

The dark room

The dark room became home to my soulless body, naked, cold, and bruised, for those days , hours, minutes and seconds.

My bare body was in excruciating pain, almost to the point that the fight flight reaction didn’t even kick in.

Beating after beating,

Negative words, pure evil surrounded me as I lay emotionless , dead to the world.

The dark room

With no life left in me, the Dark room killed the person I was once,

That girl is buried under the grounds of the dark room and she shall never live again.

That very day I Died

In The Dark room

A.P.

Peaceful mindblock / sleep

Oh when was it that I last recall having to sleep with no thoughts ?

Why does it happen that I awaken at night and scream?

Why does the mind keep playing surreal games ?

Oh when was it that I last recall having a sleep with no thoughts

Peace is no longer around me and the tension of my body reflects on my mind.

Fear is always around , no matter how much I try I just can’t seem to have a mindblock

The range of remedies,

Meditation

Walking

Excercising

Expert advice

Even medication

How I wish upon a shooting star to get that one night of sleep when my mind doesn’t stay awake with astrotravelling, nightmares, surreal images

Help has reached its peak and now I know how mental illness can affect someone to the core of their bones

A.P.

Closing my eyes

The fear is such that none can fix,

Closing my eyes has become the most painful thought in my mind

The night skies, were once my point of admiration,

It’s was an ore,

Now it’s a close dark room.

The morning rays cradle me to sleep and the thought of my eyes closing makes my heart skip a beat and panic takes over

Fear was once a childhood boogyman,

Now it’s the norm.

My norm for each day

Closing my eyes is painful and sleep is impossible and what was once my peace is now my nightmare.

A.P.

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