Peaceful mindblock / sleep

Oh when was it that I last recall having to sleep with no thoughts ?

Why does it happen that I awaken at night and scream?

Why does the mind keep playing surreal games ?

Oh when was it that I last recall having a sleep with no thoughts

Peace is no longer around me and the tension of my body reflects on my mind.

Fear is always around , no matter how much I try I just can’t seem to have a mindblock

The range of remedies,

Meditation

Walking

Excercising

Expert advice

Even medication

How I wish upon a shooting star to get that one night of sleep when my mind doesn’t stay awake with astrotravelling, nightmares, surreal images

Help has reached its peak and now I know how mental illness can affect someone to the core of their bones

A.P.

Anxiety in MY WORDS’

A dark feeling lingering around, constantly around the clock.

Black heavy clouds, following me around, thunder growling so loud, lightening bolts striking all over my body each time I get a thought, than it pours down rain, washing away my identity.

The sun keeps setting each moment, almost like I’m stuck in a cycle of repetition.

I never see the sunrise and the morning dew on nature.

There is no light reflecting off the rain drops, no warmth, no photosynthesis anywhere.

The wind has stopped, nothing moves, everything is at standstill, the only rollercoaster is the load of emotions.

Pain is the norm now, it almost feels good, as that’s the way the brain has programmed itself.

It’s a reaction to my fight flight response now.

There is almost an autopilot switch that activates each time there is any slight chance of happiness, almost telling my brain to keep producing the stress hormones.

Regret, hurt, sorrow, uselessness, all those feelings are now me.

Tears have made the tastebuds very salty, when I look at the mirror I almost have forgotten what I once looked like. There are no distinct features left that describe me as what I used to once be.

My body is like a planet almost awaiting a lunar eclipse to make me realise I exist.

Once upon a time when I heard the ocean waves, it felt soothing but now, it scares me and my heart skips beats, drowning me deeper in my dark thoughts.

There is no category in which I can define my issue, or search a medical dictionary in hope of feeling normal within the community.

Nothing can be undone, it seems like the clock is ticking fast and it keeps piling up negative feelings.

A.P.

Anxiety in definition

Anxiety is more than just feeling stressed or worried. While stress and anxious feelings are a common response to a situation where we feel under pressure, they usually pass once the stressful situation has passed, or ‘stressor’ is removed.

Anxiety is when these anxious feelings don’t go away – when they’re ongoing and happen without any particular reason or cause. It’s a serious condition that makes it hard to cope with daily life. Everyone feels anxious from time to time, but for someone experiencing anxiety, these feelings aren’t easily controlled. (Beyond blue)

Types of Anxiety;

Generalised Anxiety disorder (GAD)

A person feels anxious on most days, worrying about lots of different things, for a period of six months or more.

Social anxiety

A person has an intense fear of being criticised, embarrassed or humiliated, even in everyday situations, such as speaking publicly, eating in public, being assertive at work or making small talk.

Specific Phobias

A person feels very fearful about a particular object or situation and may go to great lengths to avoid it, for example, having an injection or travelling on a plane. There are many different types of phobias.

Panic Disorder

A person has panic attacks, which are intense, overwhelming and often uncontrollable feelings of anxiety combined with a range of physical symptoms. Someone having a panic attack may experience shortness of breath, chest pain, dizziness and excessive perspiration. Sometimes, people experiencing a panic attack think they are having a heart attack or are about to die. If a person has recurrent panic attacks or persistently fears having one for more than a month, they’re said to have panic disorder.

Who can help other than your, GP, psychologist, psychiatrist, mental health nurses, Hospitals, crisis assessment or acute treatment teams.

Beyond blue support services

1300 22 4636

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&cd=12&ved=2ahUKEwjVu7iA3YTdAhVWA4gKHfXWCZEQFjALegQIAhAB&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.beyondblue.org.au%2Fthe-facts%2Fanxiety&usg=AOvVaw0lfqVyN1E2X0uHdjbeTLhj

This context is from the beyond blue webiste

World War 1 or was it …

Gunshots so loud it still echos in my reincarnated life,

Each night I see the shots being fired lighting up the night skyline, just like the fireworks do now for the New Year’s Eve.

It’s that very image I jump awake to each night, the silence still echos, screams , machine guns ….

There are many dug out dungeons.

My hair so sleek pinned back in a perfect bun,

The dress pressed to perfection, the collar and cuffs as white as snow,

The choice of material was serge, and held the colour of the sky; blue.

Kerchief wrapped around the head to give the final touch.

I was dressed to precision.

Along side where my helpers , one screamed “Maitron! , I can’t keep this one going”.

The odour of boric acid and sodium hypochlorite so potent till this day, it reminds me of than.

“Let’s just sedate with chloroform!”, I yelled, in hope to keep him going and rest at a lower heart rate.

Blood oozing from many wounds , my sterile apron obviously not sterile anymore.

The camp fire lit very dim, to not attach too much attention.

The opposition are moving in closer each day,

All men sleep deprived and many malnutritioned despite all the volunteers serving the best in such a situation.

My dress tethered, the rain has washed all the blood off my open wound.

I’m breathing so heavily I can almost count each heartbeat in my mind.

I feel the lack of oxygen and I’m clearly hyperventilating.

Will I be able to get back to camp site ?

Who are these men ?

What do they want ?

Do I know something that will caused destruction ?

At the camp I find causality number 112.

After the chloroform had done its job, I sterilised my scalpel on a burning fire,

Cutting away the tissue around the 2 wounds, now hopefully the debridement will keep infection away.

Done !, methylated sprite than soaked the would , causing the casualty nil pain, thank goodness!

I than bring together my sharp tools to seal up the wound.

TBC

A.P.

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