Silent Night

Silent night , silent night….

Oh shall you speak ?,

Speak with warmth and desire;

For that is all I require.

Silent night , silent night

Hold me tight,

So I can make it feel right.

Wrap me in your blanket of darkness,

Set me free,

For that is how I want to be.

Silent night, silent night

Bless upon me like a shooting star.

Resurge me,

For that is what I urge to…

Silent night, silent night

Grant me the wish of freedom,

Over my lonesome kingdom,

Greed, lust and need shall serve their deed.

Silent night, silent night ,

Oh do not go, for I shall never know what your beauty holds;

All of those stories told….

Silent night, silent night….

Oh shall you speak…?

-A.P-

Closing my eyes

The fear is such that none can fix,

Closing my eyes has become the most painful thought in my mind

The night skies, were once my point of admiration,

It’s was an ore,

Now it’s a close dark room.

The morning rays cradle me to sleep and the thought of my eyes closing makes my heart skip a beat and panic takes over

Fear was once a childhood boogyman,

Now it’s the norm.

My norm for each day

Closing my eyes is painful and sleep is impossible and what was once my peace is now my nightmare.

A.P.

The world is an ore’

The world will say hi to you when you are ok ,

When you smile

When you look pretty

The scars, the bruises the pain,

They do not want to know ,

They do t want to know you when you are looking blue with bruises and your features don’t match

They don’t want to know you when you are abused daily and have bumps on your head.

The world doesn’t want to know you when your tears dry out

It’s an ore’

That’s how the world works ,

The world wants to know you when you have a smile

What is behind that smile is the least important at the time ….

The world is an ore’

Exit the thoughts

It’s hard as it is to do, as easy as it is to say.

Exit the thoughts that haunt you

If we were to live in the hope of an answer or an outcome life would take its toll as it does in any other situation.

Thoughts that cloud the memory, and give you nightmares are the ones you want to escape and exit from.

Once someone smart told me that you bring in the thought that haunts you so much and than visualise the exit or delete button and there you go it’s all erased.

Well I tried this strategy for over a decade and believe it or not I think I have programmed my brain to think it’s been deleted. It had my sanity a little I guess but if only it was that easy to exit a thought

Exit the thoughts that haunt you

Maybe sometimes we just don’t credit the human brain enough?!

Maybe if we really want we can make ourselves think that it’s all over and not have the emotional burden.

-A.P.

Anxiety in definition

Anxiety is more than just feeling stressed or worried. While stress and anxious feelings are a common response to a situation where we feel under pressure, they usually pass once the stressful situation has passed, or ‘stressor’ is removed.

Anxiety is when these anxious feelings don’t go away – when they’re ongoing and happen without any particular reason or cause. It’s a serious condition that makes it hard to cope with daily life. Everyone feels anxious from time to time, but for someone experiencing anxiety, these feelings aren’t easily controlled. (Beyond blue)

Types of Anxiety;

Generalised Anxiety disorder (GAD)

A person feels anxious on most days, worrying about lots of different things, for a period of six months or more.

Social anxiety

A person has an intense fear of being criticised, embarrassed or humiliated, even in everyday situations, such as speaking publicly, eating in public, being assertive at work or making small talk.

Specific Phobias

A person feels very fearful about a particular object or situation and may go to great lengths to avoid it, for example, having an injection or travelling on a plane. There are many different types of phobias.

Panic Disorder

A person has panic attacks, which are intense, overwhelming and often uncontrollable feelings of anxiety combined with a range of physical symptoms. Someone having a panic attack may experience shortness of breath, chest pain, dizziness and excessive perspiration. Sometimes, people experiencing a panic attack think they are having a heart attack or are about to die. If a person has recurrent panic attacks or persistently fears having one for more than a month, they’re said to have panic disorder.

Who can help other than your, GP, psychologist, psychiatrist, mental health nurses, Hospitals, crisis assessment or acute treatment teams.

Beyond blue support services

1300 22 4636

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&cd=12&ved=2ahUKEwjVu7iA3YTdAhVWA4gKHfXWCZEQFjALegQIAhAB&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.beyondblue.org.au%2Fthe-facts%2Fanxiety&usg=AOvVaw0lfqVyN1E2X0uHdjbeTLhj

This context is from the beyond blue webiste

World War 1 or was it …

Gunshots so loud it still echos in my reincarnated life,

Each night I see the shots being fired lighting up the night skyline, just like the fireworks do now for the New Year’s Eve.

It’s that very image I jump awake to each night, the silence still echos, screams , machine guns ….

There are many dug out dungeons.

My hair so sleek pinned back in a perfect bun,

The dress pressed to perfection, the collar and cuffs as white as snow,

The choice of material was serge, and held the colour of the sky; blue.

Kerchief wrapped around the head to give the final touch.

I was dressed to precision.

Along side where my helpers , one screamed “Maitron! , I can’t keep this one going”.

The odour of boric acid and sodium hypochlorite so potent till this day, it reminds me of than.

“Let’s just sedate with chloroform!”, I yelled, in hope to keep him going and rest at a lower heart rate.

Blood oozing from many wounds , my sterile apron obviously not sterile anymore.

The camp fire lit very dim, to not attach too much attention.

The opposition are moving in closer each day,

All men sleep deprived and many malnutritioned despite all the volunteers serving the best in such a situation.

My dress tethered, the rain has washed all the blood off my open wound.

I’m breathing so heavily I can almost count each heartbeat in my mind.

I feel the lack of oxygen and I’m clearly hyperventilating.

Will I be able to get back to camp site ?

Who are these men ?

What do they want ?

Do I know something that will caused destruction ?

At the camp I find causality number 112.

After the chloroform had done its job, I sterilised my scalpel on a burning fire,

Cutting away the tissue around the 2 wounds, now hopefully the debridement will keep infection away.

Done !, methylated sprite than soaked the would , causing the casualty nil pain, thank goodness!

I than bring together my sharp tools to seal up the wound.

TBC

A.P.

Once upon a time… MAYA

Once upon a time,

Far away in the serenity of the universe,

Tucked away in a little miracle word, in her little castle full of happiness and glory,

was a little girl,

her name; MAYA.

Maya: The power by which the universe becomes manifest; an illusion

 

Once upon a time,

So innocent of the world and its powers,

Little maya, would spend hours in the the most glorious forest reins,

Flowers, Trees, Earth all succumbed to her beauty and innocence.

 

Once upon a time,

when Maya giggled, the Earths creatures all danced along in glory,

when she opened her eyes the breeze would guide her way,

The rain would keep her purity

The clouds would protect her Aoura,

 

Once upon a time,

Maya too was warned of the forbidden wild ivory,

the depth of the lake,

And the big bad wolf….

 

Now,

Where is Maya? What is Maya?

Maya is scared of her voice,

her eyes try escape the glare of daylight,

The breeze feels like a whirlwind, so strong, it almost hurts.

The rain washes her wounds away, yet not entirely

And the clouds follow her like a dark nightmare.

Now,

Maya has seen the big bad wolf,

possibly touched a poisonous Ivory,

or simply lost her way back, or is it just an illusion Maya cannot escape

For year she has not been back,

The universe misses her, the wild animals mourn, the trees sway side to side in a never ending the search of pure Innocence.

 Innocence; Maya

A.P.

MIRRORS

Mirrors

I am a mirror to my body’

I am a mirror to my Mind’

I am a mirror to my deranged thoughts’

I am a mirror to my locked up soul’

“Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the most miserable of us all?”

Mirrors were once an object that ancient Egyptians, Romans and Greeks were very fond of.

For instant a broken mirror till this day is said to bring 7 years of bad luck.

They say that the mirror symbolically Inceases what it reflects’ (Feng shui)

Cracks in mirrors can fragment your life’ how does one reverse a fragmented self’

Mirrors are known to increase vital Chi (energy) of a space itself, than what about me?

“Mirror mirror on they wall, who is the most Displaced of us all?”

The human mind will see only’ what it wants to see, in the most truthful object possibly ever known of; The Mirror’

Unfortunately the human mind cannot sight beyond appearance, skin, hair, or even a fake smile set in a locked mirror image called a photograph.

False inner self’

False Smile that tries to hold the day’

False attitude I we wear’

The mirror shows us all;

what is it that you would to sight ?

Mirror mirror on the wall who is the sweet soul locked inside of me?’

Mirror replies at last, look deep within and you will see what your searching for, it is not lost yet, wake up and look into the beauty that you still portray. Look at the real meaning behind that fake smile, Look behind the first layer of your skin and shall find what you seek my child ’  –  Ora’

I look so hard and so dedicated yet I still cannot find what I’m trying to view.

I keep looking for hours and hours till the day ends and all I manage to find after a struggle is; A miserable me.

Mirror Mirror on the wall’……..

A.P.

 

 

The Locked up soul

 

This little piece is dedicated to myself, and the intro of “The Locked up soul”, which will be one of my dominant topics, a little story about myself, possibly the other side of me that I once lost.

 

Where is her soul?

Why has she always cried out to search where she is ? I think I can  hear her.

 

she is lost’

amongst herself’

amongst the amidst of life’

she lost her soul a long time ago’

Very far away from here’

 

Once upon a time there was a little girl,

she loved to smile and her giggles would light up the room.

She was pure and innocent to the world,

The world that along her journey stole her smile’

her little chuckle would now echo inside my mind

The warmth of her presence is just an eerie feeling now,

and her memory is what lives on each day…

till the day she will find her soul

Till she relives again.

 

 

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