Love letter to myself

Dear me,

I write this awe to you today,

For you forever hold my breathe and make me wonder…

I admire you ,

Your beauty one of those that have not existed …

You are simple, and smile at little things,

Life wants to shower you with love but this lifetime seems the impossible goal

You jump at a loud sound ,

You cry at a frown,

You are timid, and scared yet hold the face of a lioness.

You also want to fall asleep in the arms of life, where nothing matters to you and you shut your thought off with no worries no isssues, and no problems.

You wake up to day to day life and always thrive to make others happy ,

You behold the beauty of the kingdom.

You dream for little things in life , and your list is long ,

No one knows the real you, because you shut yourself to the world, oh please little princess love yourself more …. than only will the other love you with a passion.

Never doubt your inner strength as you are a strong woman, holding many emotions inside , deep down inside.

Let those feeling free and for once allow the world to try and love you back once again.

You forever hold my breathe and make me wonder….

A.P.

The Red Rose – story of Ora

The Red Rose

When spring blossoms in the atmosphere, new life nurtures.

Various colours, shapes and sizes,

All special in their own way.

The most beautiful rose in town,

The crimson colour of red it holds.

The sweet smell captured in the finest mixes of scents,

Each coil reveals a story.

The red rose

As perfect as perfection could be,

Till the day a petal sheds,

Then more…

The beauty is no longer admired with such ore’

Life can sometimes feel like that : the red rose with its lost beauty.

The red rose

Having shed the few petals makes the difference.

People no longer want the red rose in their perfectly manicured gardens.

Have you ever admired the red rose ?

I have

I am the red rose”

Yet I believe and know;

I still hold the beauty within my cuts and creases,

As pretty as I once blossomed, opened each coil, flourishing making the earth pretty.

The red rose still captures the sweetness of nature

-A.P-

Silent Night

Silent night , silent night….

Oh shall you speak ?,

Speak with warmth and desire;

For that is all I require.

Silent night , silent night

Hold me tight,

So I can make it feel right.

Wrap me in your blanket of darkness,

Set me free,

For that is how I want to be.

Silent night, silent night

Bless upon me like a shooting star.

Resurge me,

For that is what I urge to…

Silent night, silent night

Grant me the wish of freedom,

Over my lonesome kingdom,

Greed, lust and need shall serve their deed.

Silent night, silent night ,

Oh do not go, for I shall never know what your beauty holds;

All of those stories told….

Silent night, silent night….

Oh shall you speak…?

-A.P-

Adrift

Adrift I am away from thoughts that conquer my vision,

Adrift I want to remain for ever from those locked away moments,

I do not want to feel fear,

I do not want to feel pain,

Forever afloat on cloud 9, shall I remain.

Adrift I am from those noises that break my peace I usually meditate to.

Adrift I am from the rest of the world full of glam.

I feel love,

I feel passion,

I feel warmth

Adrift I am …

The world is an ore’

The world will say hi to you when you are ok ,

When you smile

When you look pretty

The scars, the bruises the pain,

They do not want to know ,

They do t want to know you when you are looking blue with bruises and your features don’t match

They don’t want to know you when you are abused daily and have bumps on your head.

The world doesn’t want to know you when your tears dry out

It’s an ore’

That’s how the world works ,

The world wants to know you when you have a smile

What is behind that smile is the least important at the time ….

The world is an ore’

Masquerade… My Life…

Masquerade… My life

When those eyes close one day,

Will someone wonder what was always behind the mask that I wore each day.

The mask smiles ,

I have no emotion

The mask attracts,

I hide behind it,

The mask shows no emotion,

I have all seasons running through my mind

Will someone wonder what was always behind the mask

The mask makes the world see I am just another woman,

Living each day in perfection,

A beautiful job,

Set career,

A perfect family life,

A, to the notch perfection of balance.

Will someone wonder what was always behind the mask

The mask hides all,

And no one can see the real me,

No one can even assume the worst,

As there is nothing that they can see,

If only they had my eyes…

-A.P.

The Reach… In hope of

The reach… In hope of

My fingers tremble, as my hand reaches out,

I keep that surreal look to my mind,

In some hope of touching the untouched.

The season of spring brings some glory to my hope.

Life had turned anti clockwise.

My fingers tremble,

My soul keeps trying,

As the physical body is on its last drive,

I feel the attempt will fail me yet once again.

The winter cold makes me shiver,

And the storms try and fight me.

Each look towards pure innocence seems so unreal.

Oh why do my fingers tremble.

As nature strips the tress and hope of life in Autumn, I await with my heart clenched in my throat.

My fingers tremble.

Minute after minute,

Hour after hour,

Day after day,

Week after week,

Month after month,

Season after season,

Year after year,

I do not give up

In hope of my journey to end,

Achieving success.

In summer the sun burns each layer of me,

I still reach in hope…

My fingers tremble.

There is a cycle I am locked up in and all my withered body knows is that I’m reaching out in hope.

My fingers tremble.

-A.P.

This picture is painted by Mayhem”

Thank you for sharing it with me

And the writing is based on the painting

Anxiety in MY WORDS’

A dark feeling lingering around, constantly around the clock.

Black heavy clouds, following me around, thunder growling so loud, lightening bolts striking all over my body each time I get a thought, than it pours down rain, washing away my identity.

The sun keeps setting each moment, almost like I’m stuck in a cycle of repetition.

I never see the sunrise and the morning dew on nature.

There is no light reflecting off the rain drops, no warmth, no photosynthesis anywhere.

The wind has stopped, nothing moves, everything is at standstill, the only rollercoaster is the load of emotions.

Pain is the norm now, it almost feels good, as that’s the way the brain has programmed itself.

It’s a reaction to my fight flight response now.

There is almost an autopilot switch that activates each time there is any slight chance of happiness, almost telling my brain to keep producing the stress hormones.

Regret, hurt, sorrow, uselessness, all those feelings are now me.

Tears have made the tastebuds very salty, when I look at the mirror I almost have forgotten what I once looked like. There are no distinct features left that describe me as what I used to once be.

My body is like a planet almost awaiting a lunar eclipse to make me realise I exist.

Once upon a time when I heard the ocean waves, it felt soothing but now, it scares me and my heart skips beats, drowning me deeper in my dark thoughts.

There is no category in which I can define my issue, or search a medical dictionary in hope of feeling normal within the community.

Nothing can be undone, it seems like the clock is ticking fast and it keeps piling up negative feelings.

A.P.

Anxiety in definition

Anxiety is more than just feeling stressed or worried. While stress and anxious feelings are a common response to a situation where we feel under pressure, they usually pass once the stressful situation has passed, or ‘stressor’ is removed.

Anxiety is when these anxious feelings don’t go away – when they’re ongoing and happen without any particular reason or cause. It’s a serious condition that makes it hard to cope with daily life. Everyone feels anxious from time to time, but for someone experiencing anxiety, these feelings aren’t easily controlled. (Beyond blue)

Types of Anxiety;

Generalised Anxiety disorder (GAD)

A person feels anxious on most days, worrying about lots of different things, for a period of six months or more.

Social anxiety

A person has an intense fear of being criticised, embarrassed or humiliated, even in everyday situations, such as speaking publicly, eating in public, being assertive at work or making small talk.

Specific Phobias

A person feels very fearful about a particular object or situation and may go to great lengths to avoid it, for example, having an injection or travelling on a plane. There are many different types of phobias.

Panic Disorder

A person has panic attacks, which are intense, overwhelming and often uncontrollable feelings of anxiety combined with a range of physical symptoms. Someone having a panic attack may experience shortness of breath, chest pain, dizziness and excessive perspiration. Sometimes, people experiencing a panic attack think they are having a heart attack or are about to die. If a person has recurrent panic attacks or persistently fears having one for more than a month, they’re said to have panic disorder.

Who can help other than your, GP, psychologist, psychiatrist, mental health nurses, Hospitals, crisis assessment or acute treatment teams.

Beyond blue support services

1300 22 4636

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&cd=12&ved=2ahUKEwjVu7iA3YTdAhVWA4gKHfXWCZEQFjALegQIAhAB&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.beyondblue.org.au%2Fthe-facts%2Fanxiety&usg=AOvVaw0lfqVyN1E2X0uHdjbeTLhj

This context is from the beyond blue webiste

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